A book about relationships codependency and addiction, pretty bulky and very interesting.

2019-04-18 06:50:23

This book has been written by a US writer and has been published later in 25 languages. It explains, how several relationship dependencies arise and speaks with numerous examples about functioning mechanisms of such relationships.

Modern psychology no longer deals with love as it is in old-time novels. When it was previously believed, that love is greater the more longing and suffering, and looking at it as the natural course of things and a normal state of being, then nowadays this kind of forced love, that makes you suffer, is recognized as a dangerous and abnormal condition. However, this recognition is not enough to put a brake on the feelings and behavior, that define this obsession. Helpful would be therapy, that teaches you to see and overcome the self-destructive model of your behavior and thoughts. Such therapies would probably benefit all people, because who has not had any addiction in life.
In this book, we get a lot of explanations about obsessions and what it means to love too much. If then we can freely name and understand our problem, why can't we overcome it? Namely, a damaged personality does not have the necessary force for self-healing or neither the skills. We need help to change, what has apparently been so deep in our character since childhood and this book can be helpful here.
What are the signs of danger, that someone loves too much? When most of our conversations with closest friends are about him and his problems, thoughts and feelings; if we continually justify his inappropriate behavior with having a difficult childhood, wanting to be a therapist for him; if we do not like certain personality traits and patterns of behavior, we hope that if we are only good enough, we can change them; if our relationship threatens our emotional well-being and maybe even physical health and safety; if we look at the phone constantly and expect to here from him, unable to enjoy any other activities, etc.
The book takes a look at the reasons, why so many women, who are looking for love, find unhealthy, non-loving partners and helps us to find out, why it is so difficult for us to end the relationship, in which we have long known, that it does not satisfy our needs.
We see, that our love becomes a forced behavior, when the partner is inaccessible, reckless, inappropriate, yet we cannot abandon such a relationship. We begin to understand, how our longing for love becomes an addiction.
Interestingly, when two addicts, such as a drug addict and a person with eating disorder, as long as both have a problem, they will focus on each other's addiction, to reduce the importance of ones own problem. Thus, through their relationship, they give each other covertly and publicly permission to be ill, even when protesting against each other's condition. However, if one of the partners improves and heals, the relationship cannot work the same way anymore, as it brings other partners disease more forward and they are no longer comfortable with each other, which can tear down the healed partner again.
The book describes the course of events from both partners perspective of view, making things more understandable and exciting. The story is about different addictions and the resulting behavioral disorders, all written interestingly, not dry and scientifically. It's a bulky book. I recommend reading to those, who are interested in psychology.

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