‘Then, show me that it is possible!’
This was the last sentence my friend uttered before hanging up. She got triggered. She had been so busy to package herself as successful, pragmatic, and responsible that, now, embodying widely admired cultural qualities was the only way to be. The freedom to be herself belonged to her past. Even if deeply inside she was not 100% fulfilled.
My friend and I had known each other for more than 10 years and together we had been through a lot.
We both come from a culture where professional success is measured by your material possessions – especially nice shoes! –, while personal realisation passes through honouring your family. In a nutshell, they say it is all about ‘being pragmatic’ and ‘taking responsibilities’.
We both went to work abroad to expand our perception of things, embarked on futuristic job adventures, lived with our packed suitcases under the bed to be ready to grab any last-minute opportunity that could have helped us know more about our life call. In a nutshell, for us it was all about ‘being free to be’.
Until our mid-thirties knocked on the door, bringing with them the idea that it was time to grow up and find our place in the world.
For my friend this meant returning to her home country, accepting a well-paid permanent employment in a sector that is not her jam but gives her a sense of status and stability in an unpredictable world, saving money to buy a grand house in a reasonable timeframe, becoming family- and community- oriented.
For me this meant leaving my home country for good, welcoming professional instability in an unpredictable world to learn as much as possible within the sector I am passionate about, saving money to invest in personal development, becoming self-oriented.
Two different responses. Both very intentional and based on our values. Both rewarding and challenging at the same time. And that day over the phone my friend and I realised that our responses had something else in common: they both were very extreme!
My friend had completely suppressed her free-spirit side and got mired in roles, promises, expectations. I had completely suppressed my achiever side and got disconnected from the bigger cause I wanted to contribute and insensitive to my hunger for making a difference.
That day over the phone I challenged us to let go of the ‘either/or’ and reclaim that side of ourselves that we had suppressed for too long. I took a stand for us to be complete. I took a stand for us.
But my friend got triggered. She had been so busy to package herself as successful, pragmatic, and responsible that, now, embodying widely admired cultural qualities was the only way to be. The freedom to be herself belonged to her past. Even if deeply inside she was not 100% fulfilled.
So, if this story speaks to you and you are open to get some insights on your relationship with responsibility and freedom, I offer you a free coaching session with me. No judgement. No obligation. Just a chance to see if coaching can be your ally towards your fullest life. DM me, I look forward to taking a stand for you as well (even if you eventually decide to hang up 😊!).
Because throughout your life, there is only one constant. You. Better to choose, trust and love yourself then. The whole you.